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More Saturn Awakening

Saturn is still performing the task ūüėČ of the Awakener busting down the thick layer of fog. As I mentioned in the last post Saturn is activating Big G.

Now the best description of the 12th house I’ve heard is actually from Vedic astrology. They say that the 12th house are secrets that are unknown to you.

So here’s my personal observation on a 12th house Leo Moon squaring a 3rd house Scorpio Neptune. Secrets in the family that one or both parents may have a personality disorder or harmful behavior that you don’t know about. The family appearing to society to be normal and loving. Confusing, deceptive, secretive, destructive, emotionally manipulative, dis-empowering, devaluing communication behind closed doors. Empowering, spiritual, inclusive, support for the child’s true personality, communication in public. Feeling alone and invisible in one’s immediate early environment. Never knowing what kinda of hell is gonna happen from day-to-day though the chaos was mostly confined to the weekend. The appearance of harmony in the daily environment. Overshadowed in terms of communication in the home. I’m sure there’s more but that’s all I can come up with right now.

The crazy part for me is that I thought much of what was going on in my household was a secret. Turns out that my birth mother’s family had some idea of what was going on. How do I know that? Well they revealed being witnesses to physical abuse when I was a toddler. Remember I said earlier that the 12th house is secrets that are unbeknownst to you. I don’t remember much prior to the age of 6 and what they were telling me was well before that age. (Neptune in the 3rd) And maybe it’s a good thing that I can’t remember.

All this time thinking that they had no clue about what was really going on at home (12th house Moon). Of course they did not have all the details because they were not living in the same city but there was an uncle who did live in the same city. ¬†I’m finding out that this uncle talked regularly to his mother (my grandmother) about what was going on in my household.

I just found out something else. This uncle was going to pay (Venus) for me to go to college. My birth mother (Moon) refused to sign the paperwork. Yes, she refused to sign paperwork for her only child (natal Mercury conjunct Saturn) to get a college education (9th house NN) that was going to be paid for with someone else’s resources (Scorpio). What kind of mother does that?

I think this is reflected by my 8th house Sun/Mars conjunction as well especially with Uranus transiting this house and near my Sun along with Pluto transiting the 5th squaring my Sun.

Here’s another live and in living color astrology in action. A few weeks ago when Saturn was within 2 degrees of my Neptune, I was transporting my birth mother to her doctors appointment. We left there and made a stop at a chain pharmacy to pick up her prescriptions. I went in to get them as she said her feet won’t let her walk. As an aside, she has always had trouble with her feet but it has gotten progressively worse since my birth father died. I, her daughter has Saturn in Pisces and I don’t have problems with my feet and yes my Saturn is inconjunct/quincunx my Moon. Hmmm.

Anyway, I come out, get in my car to take her on yet another errand and my car will not crank. Turn the key and a bit of clicking, then nothing.

Remember I said in the last post that Saturn’s activation of Big G has awakened me to the reality of patterns of childhood interactions between me and my birth mother? Well, I have been getting warnings of the illusions I had regarding my mother for years but I ignored them. Without getting into all the details leading up to this, I feel like Saturn used this as the cosmic 2 √ó 4 to literally say, “Stop (Saturn)your participation in this BS (Scorpio) otherwise you will end up SOL, used up and up the creek without a paddle. What she’s said (3rd house) and what she’s done has not matched up.” Her actions are much louder than her words. (Mars in the 8th co-ruling the 3rd)

When we affirm the very best of and for our children, they have a very different view of their place in the place and position in the world. Don’t call them anything you don’t want them to be. Speak seeds of greatness in their minds, and they will grow into strong sturdy plants.” ¬†¬†Iyanla Vanzant

 

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3rd house Awareness to Pluto’s 4th house Departing- Transiting Saturn as the Awakener, Saturn square Moon

This post began¬†last year in August but for some reason I did not finish it. ¬†But I am a Mercury retrograde conjunct Saturn in Pisces native with its ruler in the 3rd conjunct the SN. My thoughts sometimes go back down into the ether waiting for just the right trigger…and BAM. Somebody done pulled the pin on that grenade and I think it was Saturn. ¬†I’m also thinking even though Pluto is now firmly in the 5th house, it’s still sitting on the cusp of the 4th and 5th houses.

The inspiration for the original post and now realizing what should have been part 1 of the 3rd house Awareness to Pluto’s 4th house Departing, came from a post on a astrology group that I used to be involved with. The question presented¬†to us-when or what were your worse transits. I said July/Aug 1979. Now I don’t remember exactly what month it was.. but I know it was summertime, after school was out (June), after the holiday (July 4th), after my birth mother’s birthday and a hot early Sunday morning. OK to clarify since I use and will be using the term birth mother and birth father -I am not adopted. I had also mentioned that Saturn thru the 12th conjuncting my Moon the last time it was in Leo was also rough because it brought¬†that life altering event day back to my memory as I had for years carried on as if nothing happened and how I had glossed over the reality of my childhood. Saturn’s conjunction of the Moon was the beginning of a new Saturn cycle about events and situations of the Moon and looking back at all that has gone on before.

So, as I edit this post transiting Saturn is conjunct my natal Neptune setting off Big G-my grand square or g-square as I like to call it. Big G consists of ¬†my 3rd house Neptune conjunct the South Node in Scorpio opposing the 9th house North Node in Taurus squaring the 12th house Moon in Leo and the 6th house Venus in Aquarius. ¬†This is the 1st square of Saturn and the Moon since the conjunction. And whatdayah know, my Progressed Moon has recently crashed in on this party as well conjuncting my North Node along with the Progressed Sun in waning conjunction. Ah ha…transiting Saturn opposing the Progressed Moon. The 4th/10th dynamics that I briefly mentioned in the last post at play here.

And adding fireworks to this party-Uranus. Yep, Uranus. The crazy part is, I just realized Uranus has been poppin’ off smoke bombs of wake your a** up in Big G for the last 3 years. First by sesquisquare/sesquiquadrate (135 aspect) to my Moon when @ 5-6 degrees of Aries. When Uranus moved to exact conjunction of my Sun, it activated my Sun/Venus semi-square, something that I picked up on and wrote about in “Transiting Minor Aspects-Not So Minor”.

Pluto has also dropped its own A bombs in the G starting with the Moon while in the early degrees of Capricorn while plowing through my 4th, stealthily leading the charge of reformation.

Then it hit me to go back and re-read to connect the dots…something I do a lot with a natal Mercury retrograde. ¬†In Liz Greene’s book “Saturn- A New Look at an Old Devil” ¬†she says this:

There is much that goes on within a human being of which he remains unaware, and this does not apply only to repressed emotions…If the individual makes no effort to expand his consciousness so that he can understand the nature of this total unfoldment and can begin to cooperate with it, then it will seem that he is the pawn of fate and has no control over his life. He can only earn his freedom by learning about himself so that he can understand what value a particular experience has for the development of his whole self. And nothing stimulates a man into this kind of exploration faster than frustration, which is the gift of Saturn…”

Erin Sullivan in her book “Saturn in Transit” refers to transiting Saturn as “Awakener”. Liz Greene basically says the same thing above. I know you’re saying Saturn as a Awakener?!! WTH are you talking about?!! Saturn is the task master, the disciplinary, the authority, the oppressor, the blocker, dark, heavy and all those things that sound absolutely nothing like a awakener or liberator, right? I was thinking the same thing when I first read that statement too.

But it really is true. For one thing Saturn ruled the sign of Aquarius before Uranus was discovered and is still the co-ruler of the sign of Aquarius which is well…the awakener, the liberator. ¬†How and why do I see Saturn as a awakener?

Well when Saturn was in Leo and transiting my 12th house, I decided to stop putting relaxers of any kind in my hair. ¬†That was an awakening/liberation/rebellion whatever you want to call it, ¬†from the accepted standard of straight hair as the epitome of beauty. Saturn crossing my Ascendant took that awakening/liberation/rebellion even further by making¬†dreadlocks of my¬†hair. I also began to study astrology starting with my chart to find out why I was not feeling like my normal, relatively cheery, I’m here to help, let’s get stuff done self. Awakening my mind which the Moon represents in Vedic astrology. During this transit as I also began to acknowledge whether I wanted to or not, the repressed emotions about the very traumatic even in my life that occurred in 1979, the sexual molestation from my birth father, and the emotionally abusive relationship with my mother for the first time in my life.

Saturn transiting my 3rd house activating the mind and now square my Moon has awakened/liberated from the grave, the 12th house Moon secrets for the first time about that event in 1979 to family other than my husband and now to the world. It’s also made me face the reality of my 12th house Moon and let go of the hope (Neptune) that I have or ever had a family. ¬†Like Liz Green said in the quote above, ya gotta EARN your freedom by doing the work. Pluto, Uranus and Neptune started the deep background dirty work but Saturn has laid it on the table in 3D where even Ray Charles can see what’s been going on.

To be continued…

 

 

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Ascendant transits-Saturn Connections from the 3rd pt1

Give What You Have

 

Saturn is making a 3rd sextile to my Ascendant since entering the sign of Scorpio last year, as it transits my 3rd house. Not sure when it’ll be exact as it is within 1 degree, but it’ll be soon.   And man have I been filed with tons of self-doubt about well- everything.  You’d think since this is going to be the 3rd hit and a relatively harmonious aspect that I’d have it together and not be fearful of doing-this.  Writing. Communicating in general but specifically…about astrology, since I am not an astrologer.  But we are talking about Saturn so that should not be too much of a surprise.

You see, in my natal chart Saturn and Chiron are conjunct my chart ruler Mercury retrograde in Pisces in my 7th.  Yes, my Mercury is in its detriment and it’s retrograde so most probably would say that’s double detriment…conjunct Saturn and Chiron, triple detriment.  And Saturn rules my 5th.  Great! Not only is the way I go about life full of obstacles, pain and challenges, my fun and creativity-the stress relief valve, does not flow easily either. Before I knew anything about astrology, I used to think that so imagine how I felt when I did start to learn astrology. Until I realized, I don’t see or approach the world the way most people do.  It’s definitely in a roundabout way that I manage to apply some structure to. However, it’s not in the “normal” microwave, gotta have it right now way society functions.

Recently I was looking back at the elementary school report cards I still have. Yeah, that was eons ago. lol My 2nd grade teacher wrote me up for talking too much in class and that I was a slow worker in doing my assigned work. Got in trouble with the parents so I seriously curtailed my speech from that point on, really cracked the books and tried to be invisible. After that I started getting As & Bs. That’s great and shoulda made the parents happy, right? Nope. I was then told that I only had book sense but no common sense.  What a crushing thing to hear from your parents as a 7, 8-9 year old kid.  That continued as I went through high school as well. Now this did not stop me from achieving academically (was #38 out of a graduating class of 603) but I did not do as well as I could have due to fear of really seeming like a smarty pants to my folks, mainly my mother but my father basically went along with whatever she said whenever he was home. Coupled with the fact in my culture, you were not supposed to be an intelligent female…what, how dare you?!

Water poured into my gas tank so my car can’t move.  That’s how I think of the Ascendent as your car. Why..I mean I’m your kid? Afraid I might dig around learn something I’m not supposed to know? Or get an education to learn something that might enable me to have better choices and do better than you?  Push repeat play on that mix tape of fear into my ear, ” You aren’t smart enough or have sense enough to see, think or have the skills to do anything “. Better yet, “No man is going to want you”.

But now 30 years later, it’s different…but a bit the same. Because it’s transiting Saturn, I like to look at it in the same way one looks at the Saturn return. After all Saturn in its travels around your chart will not only return to its natal position 30 years later, but will do the same to the other points/planets in your chart. Hence a new beginning or level of maturity to be expressed in this area of the chart.

Ah. I now realize that I need not fear “driving” along my path and I need not fear being who I am, which IS good enough, regardless of who likes it or not.  I’ve acquired many skills and probably discovered some that I was born with but depressed by those fearing and maybe even jealous of. How can someone younger possibly know more? Going deep, questioning, analyzing, exploring. Got lots of goodies in the bag and it ain’t no junk.

Saturn has been beneficial as well by making sure Jupiter’s expansion does not get out of hand but at the same time putting effort behind Jupiter’s ideas. Hence the launch of this blog. The thought has been on my mind for some time but honestly I was scared to do it. Heck I’m still scared. That’s one of the reasons why it takes me so long for me to do a post. Writing…and really communication for that matter do not come easy to me. Though Saturn has also helped me to put more effort into my astrology studies by putting myself out there via the World Wide Web. Still gotta discpline myself more but Saturn has given me the push to cut down some of the distractions of the 3rd house. I have Jupiter in Gemini, the sign that naturally rules this house so that also means the distraction level is even higher. Saturn is teaching, if it’s not necessary, it’ll be done at a later time or cut out all together.

Hmm,  it seems to me that the Ascendant is more than a mask. True, it’s what we present to world but I think it’s the vehicle that transports the planets in your chart around, so they can do their thang to help you grow and evolve throughout your time on this side of the earth, with the ruler(S) as the wise chauffeur.  As least that’s what I think Saturn says…;-)

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